


The Universe Moved for Us

by orphan_account



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, first fanfic don't @ me, like a fuck ton of angst i'm sorry, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:35:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Josie Saltzman, the classic teacher's pet who's never been in a relationship before is roommates with Penelope Park, a girl who is drop-dead gorgeous and likes to sleep around. They become close friends... and then Josie catches feelings.[CURRENTLY ON HIATUS]
Relationships: Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 38
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ahh first fanfic wish me luck lmao  
> also there's gonna be a crap ton of angst later on i'm sorry don't kill me  
> 

Josie Saltzman had always been the goody-two-shoes, teacher's pet. It was no surprise to anyone that she'd made it into one of the best universities in the country. She'd received the email months ago, and at that time she was excited. Happy. This was her dream school, and she was majoring in animal science to hopefully become a veterinarian in time. But now, as she was standing outside her dorm room with all her bags filled with clothes, overpriced textbooks, and a few posters that she planned to hang up, she realized that she was nervous.

She wasn't often nervous. Before her 5th-grade Spelling Bee, yes. Before her 8th grade graduation, yes. Before opening the email addressed to her from Cornell University, yes. But she was never this nervous. She was about to open a new chapter in her life, starting the second she entered her dorm. Or perhaps it had already started the moment she'd walked onto the Cornell campus. She didn't know, but she did know that her heart was racing.

She sighed and turned the doorknob to her new life for the next 4 years. Inside was a girl sitting on one of 2 beds. The girl was on her phone, her thumb swiping up on her screen. She had shoulder-length, black hair cut into a bob. She was wearing a leather jacket and a crop-top accompanied by black jeans. She was humming softly, still scrolling through what appeared to be an Instagram feed.

Josie cleared her throat awkwardly.

"Uh, hi. You're Penelope Park, right?" she asked with a quiet voice. Never had she seen someone as stunning as the girl in front of her, but she pushed those thoughts to the back of her head. She needed to focus, she couldn't act up when she still had her future ahead of her.

"Oh, hey," Penelope replied, almost dismissively. Her voice was soft and sounded tired.

"Yeah, hi," Josie replied, looking for something to say. Instead, Penelope said the next thing.

"I'm assuming you're gonna be my roommate, yeah?" she questioned, finally looking up from her phone. She had beautiful brown eyes and soft features. Josie felt her breath hitch in her throat for a moment. She cleared her throat again.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just gonna leave my things here and go to orientation. But maybe later we can grab something to eat?" Josie asked, trying to sound casual and hide her nervousness, coming from this being her first day on campus and because of how attractive her new roommate looked.

"You asking me out?" Penelope teased, the corner of her mouth lifting, and her eye with a twinkle.

"Oh, uhm, no, I just- no, I wasn't, I was just..." Josie stuttered.

"Relax, I'm just kidding. Sure, I'd be down," The other girl replied, her smirk still lingering. Josie merely nodded.

She set her bags and luggage on and next to her bed. She waved goodbye to Penelope and before seeing her wave back, headed out of her room.

She walked down the hall, thinking about several things. How orientation was gonna be like, how she was homesick, and Penelope. The majority of her mind was filled with the thought of her raven-haired roommate and how she'd looked gorgeous. She couldn't stop thinking of their short interaction, the girl's banter with her, how she'd nearly stopped functioning when she saw her. It was needless to say that she'd developed a small crush on her. _Oh well_ , Josie thought, _I won't be thinking about her once I have actual work and classes to worry about._

She continued down the hall, the thought of the gorgeous girl freshly on her mind.

+x+

Her orientation had finished, and she headed to the school's dining hall. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and saw a text from her best friend, Hope.

 **idiot** : hey jo

 **idiot** : forget about me yet?

 **Me** : ofc not lol

 **idiot** : ...but did you?

 **Me** : oh actually I did my bad, who is this?

 **idiot** : bruh

 **Me** : you asked for it

Josie grinned and put her phone back in her pocket. She sat down and took out a salad from her bag and proceeded to eat it.

"Hey roommate, what happened to our plans to hang out?" she heard a voice say playfully. She looked up and saw Penelope with her arms crossed and a grin on her face.

"You do know that I have a name, right?" Josie replied.

"You never told me what it is," Penelope said, sliding a chair out and sitting down in it.

"So you agreed to grab lunch with someone who you didn't know the name of?"

"Sure, you seemed cool."

"Seemed? Has something changed in that assumption?"

"Yeah, it turns out that first impressions aren't always right and that you aren't cool at all."

Josie fake-gasped.

"That's not very nice, Penelope."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, lecture me all you want. Besides, how'd you learn what my name was anyway?"

"The school administration emailed me, just as they should've emailed you."

Penelope shrugged.

"Oh well, I guess it sucks that I never check my email."

They laughed.

"My name's Josie by the way. Josie Saltzman."

"Hmm, Josie Saltzman. I like it."

Josie rolled her eyes.

"Wow, I bet you do."

"No, I do. I think it fits you."

Josie mused.

"You didn't know my name until about a few minutes ago, you know that right?"

Penelope chuckled.

"So what? I think it's very you, no matter how much I know about you."

Josie rolled her eyes again, but with a grin. Penelope was a charming person, that was for sure. She wouldn't mind being her roommate this year. Penelope spoke up again, pulling Josie away from her thoughts.

"So, about those lunch plans..."

"Aren't we having lunch right now?"

"You are. I'm not," Penelope said, pointing to Josie and then to her when addressed.

Josie shrugged.

"Fair enough. Want some?" She pushed her half-eaten salad towards Penelope.

"Nah, I'm fine." Josie took the salad back and continued eating.

"So, Saltzman, where are you from?" Penelope continued.

"Mystic Falls, Virginia. Small town, you've probably never heard of it. Where are you from?"

"I've moved a lot. I even moved to Iceland once for a few months. I always say California though, because, honestly, that's the most interesting out of all the places I've lived. This is the first time I'll be staying somewhere for more than half a year."

Josie nodded.

"Sounds cool. Did you like moving a lot?"

"I hated it, but then highschool came rolling around and I realized that I honestly didn't give a shit about it anymore. I guess it was kind of cool to see all the places."

Josie checked her phone.

"Ah, I need to go to my next lecture. I guess I'll see you around?"

"Sure thing, Jojo."

They smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayy i updated kinda fast lol  
> let's hope i can keep this up bc if not then that's a big F for you guys (jk I promise that I'll try to keep a consistent uploading schedule)  
> enjoy the chapter :D

For the rest of the next few weeks, Josie couldn't help but think about her (as much as she hated the word itself) hot roommate. Penelope was incredible, and the few conversations they'd had made Josie's heart flutter. It was a new feeling that she had only heard about in movies and books, but dismissed them quickly every time these new feelings came up. It happened so often that she'd even started a new hobby: singing and songwriting, to distract herself from this unexplored territory of feelings and relationships. She'd always looked at love like an unexplored land that was filled to the brim with monsters that were heartbreak and hurt. To be fair, her only real looks into love were her parents' divorce years ago and sister's devastating heartbreak. It was just something that she couldn't be bothered with, didn't want to be bothered with. All these years, she'd distanced herself from that and stayed with her nose in textbooks. While her peers were getting boyfriends and girlfriends and whatever in between, she was studying for tests. And she was safe this way. Safe from what her sister and parents had to deal with.

And then she met Penelope. And now she just couldn't stop thinking about the black-haired girl, no matter how hard she tried. And, yes, while she did try to stay away from the thoughts... she couldn't deny that her roommate was pleasant to think about it. Be it their few conversations that always resulted in them laughing (once till Josie had even snorted, which she made Penelope keep a secret), or at least smiling. They were friends. And she had never had many of these, other than Hope and her own sister, Lizzie.

But this particular time, when Josie was procrastinating on her work to do (something she had never done in her previous school years) but instead writing a song. She'd made feeble attempts at songwriting this past week, but right now she just had so much inspiration. She wrote up about the wonders of change, and the world, and... Penelope.

She'd started this new hobby to distract herself from these feelings, but it didn't work out in the end. 

Josie sighed. She figured that while she didn't particularly like the topic, the song she had written wasn't a bad one, so she decided to make use of it. She continued writing, with more passion than she'd had in a long time, and was actually enjoying doing this. After the draft of her song was finished, she decided to sing it, first checking Penelope's room to make sure that she wasn't there.

She began singing.

"All this is no coincidence,   
just by, just by, all my feelings   
The whole world is different from yesterday   
just with, just with, just with your joy."

She was enjoying herself. So much so that she didn't hear the door opening or the sound of footsteps coming from the very person she wrote this song about.

She continued singing until she heard a voice.

"Hey, Mariah Carey, that was actually pretty good. Didn't know you could sing so well," Penelope remarked.

Josie searched her face for sincerity, and to her surprise, found a lot of it. This was a common pattern in their bickering; Penelope complimenting Josie with a sentence that sounds sarcastic, and then Josie realizing that it isn't. Or that Penelope was a good liar. She knew Penelope wouldn't lie though, even if she'd only know her for a little over a week.

"Please remind me to never look in your eyes again after that, that was-, I-"

"Relax, Jojo, it's fine." And like that, Josie's heart did the thing again. The leap into itself. It happened every time Penelope said this newly established nickname. Her stomach felt weird, her brain was searching for something to say when she couldn't. It was always this damned nickname.

Penelope smirked, which told Josie that she clearly knew the effect she had on her.

"So anyway, I'm gonna head out," Penelope said.

"Already? But you just got back," Josie stated, trying to hide her slight frown due to her roommate's departure.

"Yeah, met a girl. She seems cool, I'm taking her to a restaurant downtown."

"Oh, that's cool." Josie attempted to hide her disappointment and tried to ignore the pang of jealousy she felt.

'She seems cool.' It was the same phrase that Penelope had used to describe her when they met, and Josie had felt so special then. But she supposed that maybe it was a common phrase she used when flirting. And that boarded her onto a whole other train of thought. Was she flirting with her then? Perhaps it was something she did a lot. Yeah, Penelope seemed like a big flirter. She had enough confidence and looks to sleep with anyone she'd want, which explained her date with this girl.

"Uh, hey, Josie? You're kinda spacing out on me."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry, kind of just thinking about things right now."

Penelope raised her eyebrow.

"Thinking about what?"

"Uh, just being homesick I guess. Typical stuff, it's been happening since I took the plane here."

Penelope mused, but let it go.

"Well, I'll get going now. I'll see you later?"

"Yep, I guess so," Josie replied dishearteningly.

Penelope eyed her again but turned around and headed for the door.

+x+

Josie awoke at 3 am by the sound of footsteps and hushed voices. One of the voices belonged to Penelope and the other belonged to the girl Penelope was out with, Josie presumed. As they walked to Penelope's room, Josie realized what they were going to do and groaned into her pillow.

She didn't want to be here for this. She couldn't, and she wouldn't. She got up quietly from her bed and got dressed in a casual outfit and walked out of her room as quietly as she could. She knew she had gone unnoticed by the... noise from Penelope's room. She went outside and got in her car, putting on a playlist. She didn't really have a destination, she just knew that she wanted to be away. She contemplated her feelings and everything that had happened recently. She'd known Penelope for just a few weeks yet she had such strong feelings for her. Or did she? No, it was foolish to deny it by now. It was so obvious.

It didn't matter anyway. It just didn't; Josie had other things to worry about. She wanted to meet new people, make friends, graduate, and go on with her life.

She saw a 7-11 up ahead and decided to stop there. She didn't really want to go in, she just wanted to park the car. And think. About everything that had been going on.

And then she got a call from Penelope of all people. It hadn't even been that long since she'd brought the random girl to their dorm, whta was she doing calling her? She stared blankly at her phone, hearing the phone ring once. Twice. Three times. Until she decided to pick up.

She heard silence on the other line, and then a sudden voice.

"Hey, Jojo," Penelope slurred. Josie came to the conclusion that she was drunk. She shook her head and grinned slightly. Underage drinking was definitely a Penelope thing.

"Hello to you too," Josie replied.

"Where are you?"

"I'm down by the 7-11 on Main, why?"

"I'm bored-...."

Josie bit her lip, analyzing the situation. What was going on?

"Have your date entertain you then."

Josie swore that she could *hear* Penelope frowning on the other end.

"I kicked her out."

"Oh? Why?"

"Because I was bored-..."

She heard silence on Penelope's end for a few seconds.

"Come home."

She smiled to herself without realizing it. Before she knew it, Penelope had hung up and Josie stayed seated in her car for just a moment more, breathing in the peace and quiet of the near-abandoned parking lot. She started up the engine and drove home.

"Hey, dumbass, I'm home!" Josie yelled.

"Well, that's not a very nice thing to say," Penelope said, suddenly next to her. She was still drunk.

"Know what? Let's get you to bed," Josie said, placing the other's arm around her shoulder as a balance.

"But I don't wanna," Penelope pouted. Josie laughed.

"You're ridiculous when you're drunk. Come on, this way."

"I'm not drunk!"

Josie shook her head and continued walking Penelope to her room.

"Hey, Jojo," Penelope said softly before Josie walked out.

"Yeah?"

Silence.

Josie turned to Penelope and found that she was asleep. She shook her head and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo, this chapter was a huge improvement compared to the first one  
> the "original" song is in fact not original and the lyrics that Josie sing are from serendipity - bts (so what if I like kpop fight me) so uh yeah lol  
> the song is actually gonna show up a few times (the title of the fic is from the song what can you expect)  
> hope you enjoyed this chapter, let's pray that I'll update soon


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo something major's gonna happen in this chapter >:)  
> enjoy :)

The week after the whole drunk fiasco was seemingly normal. Josie and Penelope both went on with their lives, both had their short conversations during the rare moments that they were at home at the same time and weren't too tired. Josie's feelings grew inevitably stronger, and no matter how much she didn't want them to, it happened. It was at a stage where she couldn't just ignore them anymore; thoughts of Penelope flooding her mind, seeping through cracks of the walls she had built around herself.

Josie started minding less and less, as long as the person she had grew such strong feelings for didn't know about them. She'd be safe that way, safe from the treachery of heartbreak that she'd always dreaded and didn't want to experience. It didn't really seem like Penelope had noticed anything different about Josie anyway. She'd flirt with her a few times, but they were very obviously meaningless as that was sort a 'normal Penelope thing.' Penelope was a flirt, and it wasn't like Josie wasn't enjoying her occasional cheesy pickup lines. All was well, and they were becoming particularly close friends.

They'd even gone and done activities with each other sometimes. They'd go to a local park to eat lunch for a change of setting, or they would grab coffee with each other. As friends, of course, though the slight intimacy of these activities kept Josie thinking.

She'd always been an overthinker. She couldn't help it, she'd always overanalyze seemingly normal situations. When her sister avoided her for a week, Josie thought that she'd done something wrong. It turned out that it was just that Lizzie's boyfriend, Rafael Waithe, had broken up with her, and Lizzie just needed space.

Another example was the time that Josie and Penelope had watched a movie with each other in their dorm late at night.

"Hey, Jojo," Penelope said. She'd said those exact words a lot, like a little sibling annoying their elder with stupid questions. But Josie was never irritated by it. She'd always found it ridiculously adorable.

"Hm?" she hummed.

"I'm bored."

Josie froze. She was reminded of the night when Penelope had gotten drunk, how she'd said those exact words, and how cute she sounded when she said them.

"We're literally watching a movie, dork."

"Yeah, I guess."

They continued watching the movie.

"Man, horror movie characters are so dumb," Penelope joked.

"So if you heard a weird sound coming from the closet at 2 in the morning, you wouldn't go and check out what it is?"

"Of course not, I'd call the police or something."

"Mm, that's a fair point I guess."

Penelope grinned.

Josie smiled as well. It was always during these sorts of nights that Penelope became kind of a little kid. Normally, she'd be intelligent, cunning, charming, and very flirtatious. But then at night, if they decided to talk, Penelope would start acting like a child. Of course, Josie never complained. She liked Penelope in both her different moods.

They continued watching horror movies the rest of the night before they both fell asleep.

+x+

Slowly, Josie started noticing Penelope studying her more. She'd stare at her with a curious look before moving on with what she was going to say. It started after the movie night. Josie saw Penelope stare at her, something she didn't really do. And then she'd started doing it more, staring at her with a puzzled look in her chocolate eyes.

Josie just pretended not to see it. She'd rather not bother with something so confusing than confront it. It was just easier.

She also remembered that she hadn't contacted her sister in a while. Lizzie probably didn't care anyway, she'd probably already made a few friends and could've been hanging out with them. But they'd also promised to stay in touch with each other regularly, and Josie had not done that yet. She also needed someone to vent to anyway, so she decided to go for it.

**Me** : heyyyy

**Me** : how're you doinggg

**lizzie** **mcguire:** you haven't answered my texts in weeks

**lizzie mcguire:** care to explain?

**Me** : haha yeah so uhm

**Me:** sorry :(

**Me:** I've kinda been busy lol

**lizzie mcguire:** ugh fine I'll let it go this once

**lizzie mcguire:** but anyway, how's Cornell?

**Me:** not bad ig

**lizzie mcguire:** that's code for "something happened and I wanna talk" so spill

**Me** : well

**lizzie mcguire:** well???

**Me:** I think I have feelings for my new roommate

**lizzie mcguire:** uhm.

**lizzie mcguire:** and you didn't bother telling me??????

**Me** : I'm telling you rn tho

**lizzie mcguire:**...

**lizzie mcguire:** ugh whatever

**lizzie mcguire:** so what's he like?

**Me:** you're not mad?

**lizzie mcguire:** lmao no why would I be

**Me:** idk with the whole thing with raf and stuff

**lizzie mcguire:** ugh he was an asshole and I'm only just realizing so it's fine

**Me:** okay, and also uh

**Me:** my roommate = not a he

**lizzie mcguire is typing...**

Josie sighed. Should she have told her sister that so soon?

She stared at her screen. The 'typing...' symbol was still there. Her family had never been homophobic, so there was no reason that Lizzie should be against her. Right? Unless maybe she had been influenced by people that it was bad? Josie wasn't horribly shocked when she realized she had feelings for Penelope, she was more worried about if Penelope found out. She had never really factored in the fact that she wasn't straight. She was pretty new to this, after all. It could've explained why she'd never liked any guys before.

Josie stopped. She was doing it again, overthinking. She sighed again and turned her phone off. She got ready for class and headed out.

+x+

As the semester went on, every few days Penelope would either bring a different girl home or stay at a girl's dorm or apartment for the night. On those days, Josie would either leave to go somewhere, anywhere, or enjoy the quiet and write songs. Josie never brought it up, and in turn, Penelope never talked about it.

Josie also slowly noticed that, while Penelope was pretty social (and that in itself was an understatement), she also appeared to have walls down. If asked about any previous relationships, she'd give a vague answer and then change the subject. She was also like this when her family life was brought up, or anything having to do with her life before university. Josie never pushed, because though it was obvious that Penelope probably had had stuff going on before, she how it felt to be put on the spot.

When her parents had divorced, she remembered her teacher making an appointment with the counselor for her. There was obviously good intention behind the action, but she didn't want to talk about her parents, she didn't even want to think about it. She wanted to go on with her life as if nothing had really happened. She knew that divorce was common in marriages, especially couples with children, but it didn't change the effect it had on her.

She'd grown so close to her mom, but then her mom decided to move out in the middle of the night to God knows where, and Josie was devastated. She hadn't left a note, she never called, never did anything. And the worst part about it was that Lizzie and her dad knew but didn't bother telling her for the reason that was to 'protect her feelings' when all they'd done was hurt her more.

One night, she told all this to Penelope. She didn't know why she did it, they'd known each other for only about 2 and a half months by now. But it was late at night, and Josie just... felt like it. The last time she'd vented about it was years ago during the appointment with her school counselor, and at that time, she hadn't really said much. She'd just describe the events with as little detail as possible. After she had done it, Penelope didn't look uncomfortable like Josie thought she would. Instead, she comforted her.

"Wow... that's..." Penelope trailed off.

"Yeah, sorry if that's a lot of new information, that you might not have even wanted to hear, I just haven't really talked about this to anyone in a while and I really needed to, it's just that-"

"Josie. It's fine, I don't mind. And I'm sorry for the situation you had to be put in, I'd be really fucking angry if that happened to me too."

Josie felt the corners of her lips raise.

"Anyway, do you wanna watch a movie or something?" Josie said, in an attempt to change the subject. Penelope seemed to get the memo.

"Sure, let's see what's on."

+x+

**pennywise** : hey, u down to grab lunch?

Josie had received the text during one of her lectures. It was weird; it wasn't like Penelope text her to make plans. Even if it was usually a normal thing for other people, they'd usually arrange plans face-to-face. Josie had texted back a simple 'sure.' She didn't know what to think or expect. Maybe something had happened, or maybe Penelope needed to talk. But what about?

She got in her car and started driving to the place they'd agreed to meet up at: a relatively cheap sushi place near campus. She looked around and saw Penelope.

"Hey, Pen!" Josie shouted.

"Hey, Jo," Penelope greeted.

They walked inside the restaurant and sat down at a table.

"You know what, on the way here, I saw an entire family of raccoons," Penelope said.

Josie giggled.

"You just... randomly came across a family of raccoons?"

"Yeah, it was crazy. They were adorable."

They ordered their food and continued talking.

"...Hey, Jojo?" Penelope asked suddenly, in an uncertain tone.

"Yeah?"

"I uh, I saw something on your phone a while ago... I wasn't snooping or anything, I just saw a text from someone."

Josie stilled. She remembered the text conversation she'd had with Lizzie recently and was now realizing that Penelope had probably found out her secret. It shouldn't have been that hard to keep, but of course, the one time she mentioned it to somebody, Penelope found out. Josie wasn't ready for what was about to happen.

"Oh?"

"Yeah..."

Penelope paused as if choosing the right words to say.

"Do you like me? As in, have feelings for me?"

Josie wanted to collapse in on herself. She didn't want to deal with this right now, but unlike when Penelope brought girls home, or years ago when her parents began arguing nearly every other day, she couldn't escape. She couldn't just plug in her headphones and listen to music at the highest volume, she couldn't go to her car and sit there, or maybe drive away to some store that she wouldn't bother going inside of. She was trapped. And didn't know what to say. She couldn't deny it. Could she? Yes, she could. It might not convince Penelope, but she needed something to prevent that information just being out there, exposing her vulnerability.

"Oh- uh, no, I don't," Josie stumbled over her words.

Penelope eyed her but didn't say anything. They continued the rest of their meal in silence. An uncomfortable silence. Josie had always liked silence, she much preferred it over loud commotion, but right now she hated it. She wanted to say something, she wanted Penelope to say something, but neither happened. And the worst part about this whole situation was that she didn't know how Penelope felt about it. She didn't know if she had somehow ruined her somewhat close friendship with her. Of course, denying it was stupid, and she didn't know why she did it anymore. It was so obviously not true. But either way, she felt so vulnerable.

When she had told Penelope everything about her parents and how it made her feel, she felt vulnerable. But, it didn't matter then, because she knew that there was no harm but only comfort. It didn't matter if she broke her walls down, because there was no enemy to attack her in the first place. But now there was, and that was the jeopardy of their friendship.

She could only sit there and continue eating her meal while she feared for the loss of Penelope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you notice how my writing gets worse the more the chapter goes on bc I do and it's not fun  
> the end might've been a little overdramatic but yk what it was actually rly fun to write so why not haha  
> lol anyway how'd you like the chapter?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, just wanted to say a quick thanks for all the positive feedback I've been getting!  
> I didn't think that anyone would read my fic when I first posted it but it seems i was mistaken  
> aside from that, enjoy the chapter :)

What Josie had feared would happen happened. After Penelope confronted her, they'd distanced from each other. It started with Penelope pushing away, leaving the dorm more, making up more excuses to be away from her. Josie felt helpless when this happened. She knew that she was the one responsible for this. If only she could've been more discreet. Or maybe she would've preferred it more if she had never caught feelings for Penelope in the first place.

Josie made weak attempts at rekindling their friendship, like trying to get Penelope to hang out with her more, or trying to talk to her more, but it was all to no avail. She stopped fighting and lived with the distance. She justified her decision to stop fighting with the thought that she hadn't completely given up yet. Right? If Penelope tried, then she would as well. But Penelope wasn't trying, so it was hopeless.

She'd yet to update Lizzie and Hope on what happened. Her two closest friends (one of which was her twin sister) didn't know what was going on in her life. They'd reached out to her via texting and calling, but Josie would never pick up, and she'd only reply to their messages with short one- to two-word replies. She felt guilty, but that didn't stop her from continuing to ignore them. The distance had affected her so much that it was starting to impact her relationships outside of theirs.

She felt lost, and she didn't even know how only a few months of her life had led up to this. Just a few months of friendship, but all of a sudden it felt like she'd lost someone she'd known for years. It felt like how she'd imagine a break-up to feel. Of course, she didn't actually know what it felt like first-hand, but from seeing her sister and her parents so badly swayed from their experiences, she had a good estimate of what it felt like. And that's how she felt.

She'd never wanted this to happen. She reminisced the days where she'd never had any attraction toward anyone, the days when she thought that relationships were stupid. It wasn't like she still didn't think that, she just didn't mind it as much. But why?

Lately, Josie had found herself questioning so many things. She questioned the integrity of her and Penelope's past friendship. She questioned why her opinion on feelings and relationships had changed. She questioned why she herself was changing so much. She'd never been much of an emotional person. She reserved those for only major events that she couldn't just hide her emotions for. The only example she had of this was her parents' divorce, but that was years ago. She never cried at movies, never got too angry at anyone. She was always the shoulder to cry on, the person that her friends would rant about other people to.

But now she was devastated. She didn't want to be, she wanted to feel nothing, so she tried to. Of course, it didn't really work, but all she could do was try. She tried distracting herself with her classes and music. She tried to make new friends, meet new people. And she tried to reach out to her friends instead of avoiding them as she had been for a while. But, in that case, she didn't need to just try. She could reach out. There was nothing to stop her. So she did. First, she checked her notifications from Lizzie.

**6 days ago: 4 new messages from lizzie mcguire**

**lizzie mcguire** : Josie, you know that I don't care about your sexual orientation, right? I'm still your sister, and I don't care if you like a girl. or your roommate.

 **lizzie mcguire** : actually, you liking your roommate sounds like something straight out of a movie lmao

 **lizzie mcguire:** or maybe a fanfic bc I've read a few of those and you'd be surprised at how many of them are about roommates becoming lovers

 **lizzie mcguire** : but anyway, yeah. I don't care if you like girls. I still love you <3

Josie smiled. it was the first time she'd smiled genuinely in what felt like forever. Josie typed out a response.

 **Me** : thanks

 **Me** : I love you too.

+x+

 **Me** : Penelope, can we talk?

Josie couldn't stand this anymore. She knew that she'd basically given up already, but she couldn't let this go to waste. It was simple logic; if she'd been affected so much, she wouldn't be able to stand properly losing Penelope. Right now it had felt like she'd already lost her, but if it went to the point where they completely stopped talking... she didn't know what she'd do. She just knew that she didn't want it to happen, so she wouldn't let it. If Penelope didn't reply, she wouldn't stop trying. Unless she would, because the situation seemed more hopeless every day.

She checked her phone often, hoping to find a text notification from her roommate.

And then she saw it.

**pennywise is typing...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i had to listen to my depressing songs playlist to really get into the mood for this  
> also uwu wholesome lizzie and josie moment, we stan supportive siblings  
> anyway, ik the chapter was kinda short, sorry. the next chapter's gonna be eventful (in a good way haha) to make up for this one so you can look forward to that! hope you enjoyed it :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i'm so sorry for the late update, my laptop decided to act up on me yesterday, so I couldn't finish writing the chapter :(  
> but the good thing is that it's fine now and you'll actually be getting a chapter! are you ready for this one hehe  
> hope you enjoy!

**pennywise is typing...**

Josie's eyes widened. Penelope was replying? Penelope was replying. Wow. She gripped her phone and readjusted her position on her chair out of anxiety, awaiting her response. She wouldn't reply to reject her offer of talking it out, would she? Or maybe she would, but Josie could only hope that Penelope would agree to talk about this.

 **pennywise:** okay.

Josie could feel her heart skip a beat. She agreed. Josie had a chance at reviving their friendship. She couldn't believe her luck. She never thought that Penelope would actually respond, given how she had been blatantly avoiding her. But that didn't matter now.

 **Me:** meet me at the park?

 **pennywise:** sure.

On the drive there, she couldn't help but feel nervous. She was reminded of when she was outside of her dorm, about to walk in. What she was feeling right now was oddly similar. She didn't know what to expect. Would Penelope even bother talking to her again, even if she gave her a whole speech?

Well, at least Penelope hadn't completely given up on her yet. She hadn't completely ignored her, and now she had agreed to talk it out with Josie. That was at least one good thing. It sucked that only now she was realizing that Penelope didn't hate her, but better late than never, she supposed. It was fine. It would be fine. But there was still a nagging voice in her head, one telling her that the situation wouldn't turn out fine.

It wasn't the first time that she'd experienced the nagging voice. It was so prominent in her life, telling her that everything was her fault. That she didn't deserve having friends, or people who cared about her. Or that no one cared about her at all and that the people who she thought cared about her were just putting on a show.

She never really had a remedy for the voice, all she could do was hope that it left her alone shortly. She told herself that the voice didn't know anything, that it was just there to terrorize her. And she knew these facts to be true, but she was still put on edge. She couldn't help it.

When she arrived at the park, she looked around for the brown-eyed girl. While doing so, she found herself remembering all the times that they'd shared laughs, or just had a good time with each other. She hoped that Penelope wouldn't stand her up. With the way that she'd been avoiding her recently, she wouldn't be too surprised.

But then she saw her. Walking over, waving at Josie, and Josie couldn't help but feel relief.

"Hey! I'm really-" Josie said, only to be cut off by Penelope.

"No, I... can I say something first?"

Josie blinked at her.

"Sure, go ahead."

Penelope took a deep breath and started talking.

"I just wanna say that I'm so sorry for being such a dick to you. I know that I shouldn't have looked at the text notification on your phone all that time ago, and I shouldn't have confronted you. And when I did I ended up basically ghosting you, and I'm so, so sorry. I can't tell if this apology seemed half-assed, but it isn't. I'm truly sorry."

Josie gaped at her, unable to speak.

"Would you be able to forgive me?"

"Oh wow, uh, yeah, of course. I kinda meant to be the one apologizing to you, but..."

Penelope raised an eyebrow.

"Apologize for what? I was the one being an asshole."

Josie bit her lip and looked down. She didn't know what to say, but she was just grateful that Penelope didn't hate her.

"...Yeah, I forgive you."

Penelope smiled and stuck out her hand. Josie shook it and smiled as well.

+x+

Josie couldn't help a lot of her feelings recently. When she and Penelope had avoided each other, she couldn't help but feel sad. But now, she couldn't help but feel happy, like her life had returned to normal again. She'd made a few new friends; a short, curly-haired guy named Milton but went by MG, a tall and awkward guy named Landon, and a girl named Jade. She also began calling and texting Lizzie and Hope regularly, and she was getting decent grades while still having time to work on her music.

When the whole feelings thing at the sushi place happened, she put the song that she was writing about Penelope on hiatus. She couldn't bear to continue it, so she decided to instead write other songs. But then they all turned into songs about heartbreak with only Penelope on her mind, so she stopped writing altogether and only sang. She hated it; the one thing she used to try to distract herself ended up bringing her thoughts back to Penelope.

But now she continued writing. She still tried to steer herself away from writing love songs as she wanted to avoid her feelings for Penelope. She wanted them to go away. Her logic was that if she continued having feelings for her, she'd eventually lose her again. Permanently. And she didn't want that, so she even tried to open up more and date.

Penelope still hooked up with people regularly, but it was now less. She'd be out to a girl's apartment maybe once a week, or once every two weeks. She never said anything about this, but Josie didn't complain because, well, she still got to hang out with her more.

And hang out they did. They spent much more time together as if trying to make up for the time they didn't before.

They became much closer, and one day Josie decided to introduce her to Lizzie and Hope. It didn't seem like a big deal, but with how protective they got sometimes, it was. She wanted Penelope to know who 2 of the most important people in her life was because Penelope was slowly becoming a third. Of course, Lizzie knew about her feelings. She'd still yet to tell Hope, but figured she'd save it for after the meet. She video-called them and told Penelope to come over to her room.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the other Saltzman," Hope said immediately after picking up.

"You know it. I'll wait for Lizzie to pick up. I have someone that I want you guys to meet," Josie said. Lizzie picked up and immediately grinned.

"Hey, twin!"

Josie saw her sister's eyes flicker to another part of the screen, presumably where Hope's part of the screen was and saw Lizzie frown.

"...Anyway, I want you guys to meet someone," Josie continued, in an attempt to prevent Lizzie from saying any comments about Hope's presence. They'd never really liked each other (and that was putting it lightly) which often left Josie to be their peacemaker.

"Hey, I'm Penelope, Josie's roommate," Penelope introduced herself, waving to the front camera of Josie's phone. Josie noticed her sister's eyes widen and a knowing smirk on her face.

"Ah, the roommate. Hey, Penelope," Lizzie greeted.

"Wow, Josie, you never told me how h-" Hope said, getting interrupted by Josie clearing her throat.

Penelope had an amused look on her face.

"Josie, I'm not gonna lie, but she kind of looks like a bad influence for you," Hope resumed.

"Oh my god," Lizzie said, trying to hold in her laugh at Hope's statement.

"I'm so sorry, they're not always like this," Josie muttered to Penelope. In turn, she smiled at her.

"It's fine."

"Hope, I think that our dad is actually rubbing off on you. Like, more than on Josie and I," Lizzie said. Hope rolled her eyes.

"Oh come on, you can't deny that she-"

"You're assuming, Mikaelson," Lizzie cut Hope off. Hope rolled her eyes again.

"Anyway, Penelope," Hope said, "you don't do drugs or anything, right?"

Lizzie giggled. Penelope merely grinned.

"No I do not, ma'am," Penelope said.

"Hope, you're literally interrogating her," Josie said, making an effort to stop Hope.

"Yeah, Mikaelson," Lizzie piped in. Hope squinted her eyes.

"What is it with you and my last name?" she questioned.

"Honestly, I don't know," Lizzie said.

Josie found the whole situation funny. Lizzie would definitely be more protective of her, had she not known about Josie's feelings.

"Anyway, dear sister, is that it? Unless you have something else to profess?" Lizzie said, the corner of her lip raised. Josie glared her.

"You sound unhappy to talk to me, dear sister," Josie fired back, mocking Lizzie with the last words.

"Alright, well, I guess that's it. I just wanted you guys to be aware of my roommate's existence," Josie continued. She hung up and looked to Penelope.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Like I said, they're not always like that," Josie apologized. Penelope, still looking amused, waved her hand dismissively.

"Nah, it's fine. Do they always bicker like that?"

"Yeah, they do. It is unbelievably exhausting to deal with it, no offense to them."

Penelope chuckled and nodded.

"Anyway, I'm going to head to my room, if that's fine," Josie said.

"Sure."

Josie retreated to her room and immediately took out her phone to text Hope, but found that she'd already received a few texts from her.

**Today: 2 new messages from idiot**

**idiot:** damn Saltzman

 **idiot:** didn't know you had a thing for your roommate

Josie was surprised but impressed. How had she found out?

 **Me** **:** smh you get on liz's case for overusing your last name when you do it too

 **idiot:** don't even try to change the subject

 **Me:** lol ok

 **idiot:** Lizzie told me

 **idiot:** no wonder you were so embarrassed during the call

 **Me:** stfu

 **Me:** and also, I was gonna tell you, but ig lizzie did that for me alr oh well

 **idiot:** :O

 **idiot:** you told her before me???

 **idiot** : bruh rude

 **Me:** i-

 **Me:** why are you acting surprised when she was the one who told you

 **Me** **:** bruh

 **Me:** ig your contact name does match you :)

 **idiot:** wAIT WHAT

 **idiot:** WHAT DO YOU HAVE AS MY CONTACT NAME

 **Me:** :D

 **idiot:** DUDE

Josie laughed and turned off her phone. She loved Hope and Lizzie, she couldn't believe she was lucky enough to have them as her closest friends.

+x+

"Hey, Jojo, are you down for a movie night?"

Josie heard the words outside of her room, while she was working on one of her songs. She had never and would never refuse a chance to spend time with Penelope, so she agreed.

"Sure! What are we watching?"

"I don't know, I was hoping you'd pick. I'm only supplying the alcohol."

Penelope hadn't mentioned or drank alcohol in a while, which Josie approved of. But honestly, she wasn't surprised to find that the green bottles had returned to her life.

"Penelope..."

"Okay, before you lecture me, I haven't had any in a while. And I don't think you've had any ever, so why not, you know?"

Josie grinned slightly. Penelope must've drunk at least a little before asking her, judging by her slight childlike manner.

"Penelope, you know that I'm not going to drink any."

"Ugh, so what? Just come out here first, you've been in your room for like, I don't know, forever."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm coming out right now."

Josie got off her chair and exited her room, heading to the small space they deemed a living room. Penelope held up her bottle of cheap wine.

"Want some?"

"This is peer pressure," Josie pouted. Penelope giggled.

"Come on, you gotta loosen up a little," she said while flipping through categories on Netflix. Josie sighed and took the bottle.

"If Hope or Lizzie find out, they're gonna behead you," she warned before taking a sip.

"I won't tell if you won't," Penelope said with a wink. Josie felt flutters in her stomach.

"Deal."

They settled on a movie to watch, each still taking sips from the bottle of wine.

She noticed Penelope constantly shifting her position to move closer to Josie. Josie could feel her face growing redder the closer Penelope's body was to her. Eventually, their arms were barely touching and Josie couldn't concentrate on the movie anymore.

Penelope turned her head towards her, and while Josie didn't return the action, she could see Penelope smirking from the corner of her eye.

"Hey, Jojo."

Josie bit her lip and pretended like she was watching the movie.

"Aw, don't ignore me," Penelope said. Josie tried to push the flow of her thoughts about how adorable Penelope was to the back of her mind, but she just couldn't. The current was too strong; they were becoming tides too resistant. Josie could feel her heart thumping, her stomach feeling like there was a tornado raging on inside it.

Alas, Josie turned her head to face Penelope. Penelope still had the smug smirk on her face. She leaned in until their noses were a mere inch apart.

Josie felt her breath hitch. She didn't know what to do, but she didn't want the moment to stop. She was starting to hate the space between them, she wanted only to be closer to her.

Penelope tilted Josie's chin up gently with her finger.

"What happened to 'not liking me?'" Penelope teased.

"You know that wasn't true," Josie said, her cheeks now burning up.

"Ah, but that's not what you said," Penelope continued.

Josie couldn't stand the teasing anymore. She closed the space between them and brought her lips to her roommate's, and immediately felt a variety of different things. She felt bliss, relief, and desperation. She didn't want to admit that she'd fantasized about this before but she had, and the fantasies weren't nearly as good as the real thing.

Josie felt a quiet moan escape her lips, which was interpreted by Penelope to deepen the kiss. By this point, they were making out, and Josie wasn't complaining about it at all.

Penelope pulled away and Josie immediately felt incomplete, her cheek where Penelope had cupped it was left feeling colder.

"Let's move this to your room?" Penelope asked with a wink. Josie only nodded in agreement; that was all she could do when she was at a loss for words.

They went to Josie's room and continued the night of pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOHOO FINALLY SOME ACTION  
> ik this is only the 5th chapter but oh my god I was waiting for this moment to comeeeee  
> ahh so anyway, how'd you guys like it? you better have enjoyed this one because the next few chapters after this one aren't going to be very nice >:)  
> just warning you :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

Penelope was acting like her normal self. Of course, in any other scenario, Josie wouldn't think anything of it. But after what happened, she hated how Penelope was acting. She acted as if nothing had happened between the two, acted like they hadn't shared such an intimate moment a few nights ago. It frustrated Josie to no end. They still hung out and talked, but Penelope never brought that night up. If Josie's memory had been wiped, she wouldn't have known it happened at all with the way Penelope acted. She just hated how unaffected Penelope seemed.

Josie reckoned that maybe that was how she acted whenever she hooked up with someone. It would make sense, given the girl's experience with this type of stuff. But Josie couldn't help but constantly think about it whenever she and Penelope were even in the same room as each other. She just wanted to know where they stood with each other now.

Her feelings had been amplified thanks to that night, and it only made the whole situation worse. She felt unimportant to Penelope. She felt unimportant to the one and only person she had ever had such strong feelings for. She knew she couldn't blame Penelope and she tried desperately not to, but she couldn't help herself. Josie felt like maybe she was different compared to her roommate's other dates and hookups, but it was clear that she wasn't.

The conclusion that Josie drew (after thinking over it more than she needed to, admittedly) was that she was led on. She spent some time cursing at herself, getting angry at herself for thinking that Penelope could possibly like her back. She spent time thinking about what she would do.

She decided that she'd distance herself from Penelope. She'd already established the fact that she just wasn't a confrontational person, the only times she'd been willing to confront anyone about anything were because she just couldn't handle not knowing the truth. And she'd only done it twice in her life.

Josie also began developing the habit of not responding to texts again from both her friends back at home and her friends she had made recently, which only made her get angry at herself again. She couldn't let this small rift in her and Penelope's friendship (was it even a friendship anymore? Or was it something else? Josie didn't know what to think anymore) ruin her other friendships. She'd let herself avoid her friends before, she couldn't do it again. She couldn't let them down like that.

But she had. It was becoming harder for her to reply back to them. She barely even checked her messages in the first place.

So she decided to check all her messages.

**Yesterday: 5 new messages from idiot**

**idiot:** ok why are you ignoring me

 **idiot:** and lizzie, I had to go through the effort of asking her if she'd received any messages from you lately

 **idiot:** I seriously did that just to make sure ur doing alright

 **idiot:** ugh ur not even reading my texts or liz's

 **idiot:** youre seriously worrying us

**2 days ago: 7 new messages from lizzie mcguire**

**lizzie mcguire:** Josie, are you okay?

 **lizzie mcguire:** you've been like

 **lizzie mcguire:** mia or smth lately

 **lizzie mcguire:** I'm worried

 **lizzie mcguire:** are you dealing with something maybe? you know you can always talk to me about it

 **lizzie mcguire:** omg

 **lizzie mcguire:** answer pls

**2 days ago: 2 new messages from landon aka introvert**

**landon aka introvert:** hey josie, you good?

 **landon aka introvert:** you've been ignoring me and the others a lot lately

Josie winced. She felt bad for her friends, but of course, she didn't have the heart to tell them about anything she was going through. She didn't have the heart to have many social interactions. She just kept doing what she usually did, without the added factor of talking with her friends.

Josie continued working on her song, the cursed one that she'd begun writing in what felt like years ago but was only months. She was beginning to appreciate it much more, almost feeling like the song represented her relationship with Penelope.

She wrote down a few lines:

_When you called me,_   
_I became your flower_   
_As if we were waiting_   
_Blooming till we ache_

Penelope. She was reminded again about how she was avoiding her. She kept convincing herself that it was best for them. If Penelope didn't feel anything special with Josie, then she could only back away and again hope that her own feelings would soon fade. The memories that she had attempted to bury of the 'sushi place incident' (as she had dubbed it) were dug up again. She remembered how worried she was of losing Penelope, but now, despite her actions posing the same risk, she instead ignored the threat and went along with it. And it wasn't the only thing she noticed but didn't want to acknowledge.

Penelope actually seemed... different, now that Josie was beginning to push her away. But Josie pretended she was blind to it and continued on. Occasionally, she'd wonder if this was how Penelope was like during the sushi-place-incident. But again, she pushed those thoughts away.

Until Penelope decided to confronted her.

It was on a Saturday, a day where the two had a lot of free time and were usually both at the dorm at the same time. But Josie, in hopes of getting away from Penelope, had told her that she was heading out to go grab some lunch with her friends.

"Okay, what's going on?" Penelope asked.

"What do you mean?"

Josie definitely knew what she meant.

"I mean that you've been avoiding me, Josie."

Josie bit her lip and stared down at the floor.

"I haven't been avoiding you."

Josie looked back up at Penelope.

"Jojo, we both know that that isn't true."

God, that nickname. Why did she have to use it at that time, when Josie felt so guilty?

"I've just been really busy lately," Josie reasoned, "anyway, I still have plans with some friends. I'll see you later."

Josie turned around and took her jacket from their coat rack by the door. Penelope sighed.

"That's it?"

She turned back.

"Yeah, I told you that I've been busy."

She walked out the door, failing to see Penelope's disappointed and dejected expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing too bad yet, we're only dipping our feet into the water right now, but soon we'll be diving in >:)  
> (wow I'm starting to realize that I use water metaphors a lot, damn)  
> hope you enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i'm sorry for the long wait :(  
> oh well, enjoy the dumb banter between liz, jo, and hope

**Me:** I need to vent

 **idiot:** ah so she's alive

 **lizzie mcguire:** you have 3 seconds to explain WHY YOU'VE BEEN IGNORING US

 **lizzie mcguire:** wait ew why did you add me in a group chat with her

Josie needed to reach out. She needed to talk to someone to deal with everything because she was constantly feeling like she couldn't hold out any longer. What had happened the other day, when Penelope had tried to confront her, she was pushed to her limits. She could tell that Penelope was affected by her avoidance, but she had to go on longer. She had to lose her dumb feelings.

 **idiot:** thanks a lot Liz

 **lizzie mcguire:** your welcome <3

 **idiot:** you're*

 **lizzie mcguire:** please shut up

 **Me:** so you know Penelope

 **idiot:** omg did you guys fuck

**idiot has been removed from the group chat.**

**lizzie mcguire:** LOL

**idiot has been added to the group chat.**

**idiot:** :(

 **Me:** k anyway

 **Me:** I've kinda been

 **Me:**...avoiding her

 **Me:** and I dont want to anymore

 **Me:** but I kinda have to

 **lizzie mcguire:** have to?

 **lizzie mcguire:** why?

 **idiot:** yeah what happened

Josie sighed.

 **Me:** okay so yeah we did uh

 **Me:** yknow

 **idiot:** OH MY GOD YOU GUYS DID FUCK

 **Me:** do you want me to remove you again

 **lizzie mcguire:** omg pls remove her

 **idiot:** okay you know what words can hurt

 **Me:** so yeah we kind of did

 **Me:** but she's been acting all normal about it and hasn't brought it up

 **lizzie mcguire:** the hell

 **lizzie mcguire:** is she like

 **lizzie mcguire:** the player type??

 **lizzie mcguire:** lol if that makes sense

 **Me:** well, ig that makes sense in her case

 **idiot:** try talking to her 

**idiot:** that should've been the first thing you did

 **Me:** ugh yeah but I'm avoiding her now

 **lizzie mcguire:** so let me get this straight

 **idiot:** gay*

 **lizzie mcguire:** wh

 **lizzie mcguire:** oh my god i-

**idiot has been removed from the group chat.**

**lizzie mcguire:** ok bad puns aside,

 **lizzie mcguire:** you do the deed, and instead of talking it over with each other, you decide to avoid her???

 **Me:** ok ok ok ik that was dumb of me

 **Me:** but isn't it kind of too late to "talk it over"

 **lizzie mcguire:** what??? no

**idiot has been added to the group chat.**

**lizzie mcguire:** ok hope now talk some sense into ur #bff

 **idiot:** did you just use a hashtag

 **idiot:** also lol yeah jo it's not "too late"

 **idiot:** better late than never amirite

 **lizzie mcguire:** you'll correct my "your" but you type am I right as "amirite"???

 **idiot:** lol yep

 **idiot:** k but anyway, jo u needa talk to her

 **lizzie mcguire:** ^

 **lizzie mcguire:** u won't regret it

 **lizzie mcguire:** maybe

 **lizzie mcguire:** actually idk but you know what at least you'll know that you tried, and so will she

 **idiot:** yeah I agree with everything that lizzie said

 **idiot:** except for the "maybe" part

 **idiot:** bc I know that you'll crush this

 **idiot:** <3

 **Me:** :)

 **Me:** thanks you guys

 **lizzie mcguire:** I think u mean "thanks lizzie" bc let's be honest I'm the only one who gave you decent advice

 **idiot:** bruh

Josie stared at her phone screen, the messages of encouragement from her sister and best friend. She wanted to stop avoiding Penelope. She knew that she could do that anytime, but she couldn't it was the only way she'd be able to be roommates with Penelope, be friends with Penelope, without any problems.

As her friends continued their conversation - no, their bickering more like - she considered it more and more. Maybe she could talk to Penelope. After all, when she'd asked her raven-haired roommate to talk after she'd been confronted about her feelings for her, it was Penelope who ended up apologizing instead of her.

She went to her contact and started typing out the words.

_hey, sorry about everything going on. can we talk?_

Her thumb hovered hesitantly over the 'send' button. She sighed, and pressed down, seeing the arrow under the text indicating that it was delivered. Now, all she needed was to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was really short and i do apologize, but hey at least it's something :/  
> hope you enjoyed!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo got around to writing another chapter  
> hope you enjoy!

Almost immediately, Josie received a response.

**pennywise:** sure, i’d like that.

She paused, wondering whether she should reply with something back. She decided not to and turned off her phone. Getting up from her chair, the girl experienced deja vu, reminded of the other time she’d asked Penelope to talk and the near nauseous feeling she’d felt.

At the very least, Josie was sure that Penelope wanted this to be discussed, considering the confrontation she had been met with previously. 

However, she didn’t really know what she’d say to Penelope. Would it be a good idea to bring up the night they’d gotten together? She didn’t want to say something she’d regret, and again, didn’t want to jeopardize their friendship. So carefully, over the next few dozen minutes, she planned what she was going to say. It wasn’t necessarily a huge meaningful speech, but she deemed it okay to say.

Josie waited for Penelope to come home from wherever she was at the moment, too nervous to do anything else other than pace around the room and fidget with a loose string of thread from her shirt. She heard the almost unsettling creak of the door and she jerked her head around, seeing the shorter girl enter.

“Hey,” Penelope greeted. Josie merely nodded and waved at her and sat down on her desk chair. Penelope sat down on her bed beside the desk, not even taking off her jacket.

“I...” Josie trailed off, trying to remember what she had planned to say. The other girl looked at her with what looked like encouragement in her eyes.

“I know that I’ve sort of been, I don’t know, w-”

“Weird,” Penelope finished for her, in a sharp tone, “you’ve been acting weird and avoiding me.”

Josie nodded, about to continue when instead Penelope went on.

“Why? Did I do something?” 

“Well, not really,” she said, “it’s just that…”

“It’s just that?”

“Remember the night we slept with each other?”

“This is about that?” the other girl asked with a scoff, “What did I do?”

“We just never discussed it.”

“What is there to discuss?”

“Where do we stand with each other?”

Penelope stared at Josie like she was some sort of foreign object. She went on.

“Are we friends or something else? You never brought that time up and I don’t exactly have much experience with stuff like that so I have no idea what we are to each other anymore.”

Josie realized she was rambling and stopped. At this point, she had completely forgotten what she had planned to say and was winging it.

“I mean, yeah, we’re still friends,” Penelope answered.

“But is that it? After that, we’re just friends?” Josie asked. She needed to stop, she was embarrassing herself, but she wanted answers. She was too far in this conversation.

Penelope didn’t say anything for what felt like forever. She looked… emotionless? No, there was definitely something there, it’s just that Josie couldn’t tell what.

“Josie.”

She looked up at Penelope, who had finally said something.

“Yeah?”

“Do you still have feelings for me?”

Josie froze. It was back to this, back to the confrontation of feelings. Of course it was. She didn’t want it to be, but nowadays, it seemed like a lot of things were happening that she just didn’t want to happen.

“Jojo?” Penelope asked, a softer tone but still somewhat blank.

“...Yeah, I do.”

“Oh.”

She had said it. She was brought back to the memory of the sushi-place-incident when she had felt so helpless. Penelope’s face still had the look all over it, the weird look that Josie didn’t know what it meant.

Judging by the one-word answer, Josie came to the conclusion that Penelope didn’t like her back. 

She expected Penelope to leave, to say that she had something going on afterward and begin her new period of avoidance. But instead, she stayed, still seated on the small twin bed she’d decided to park herself on. They sat like this for a while, bathing in the uncomfortable silence and tension so thick you could cut it with a knife, neither of them moving away from the positions they were in. Josie continued fidgeting with the piece of thread, and Penelope sat still, almost frozen. 

Josie was glad that Penelope was still there, that she hadn’t left her life again. And what was before uncomfortable silence, Josie was growing used to it, even if it had only taken a few minutes. She was at ease.

+x+

Their friendship was normal again. After all they had gone through, it was fine. Josie had to accept the fact that she had feelings for Penelope and that Penelope didn’t share her feelings. She was so infatuated with the girl, with her raven locks, her coffee-colored eyes, her charming personality, but she had to let it be and just be friends with Penelope. It was better than trying to avoid her at least. Even if she’d never be in a romantic relationship with her, it wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy her company. So she had that. And she would only have that. But she was satisfied, right?

No, Josie wasn’t satisfied. And she knew that she wasn’t satisfied, but again, what exactly could she do? She would just have to keep pining for her.

Sometimes during one of her and Penelope’s (now weekly) hang-outs, she’d think about what that specific moment would be like if she and Penelope were girlfriends. If instead of a casual meet, they were on a date. And then she’d push the thoughts back to the corners of her mind, only for them to reemerge the next time they met up, continuing the cycle of constant longing.

But at the very least they were still friends. That’s what Josie told herself over and over again whenever she was feeling particularly disappointed about their platonic friendship. She didn’t know why she was so unhappy that she and Penelope weren’t together. She hadn’t even been working on her song; the half-blank notebook page was proof of this.

All was well between them but Josie just wasn’t happy. She felt like she was missing out on something huge, something she wanted to be a part of her life. She realized that she really wanted a relationship.

Then, just like clockwork, Jade, who she’d only met a month or two ago, asked her out. Josie didn't even know that the girl was gay, but she put her surprise behind her and accepted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm gonna be honest, I'm actually really proud of this chapter lol  
> anywaysss you guys are going to see a little bit of jasie, but it shouldn't last too long  
> hope you enjoyed the chapter :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo chapter update let's gooooo  
> enjoy!

“So, how’s your family?”

She was doing it. Josie was on her first date with Jade and she didn’t know what to think of it. They’d chosen to meet at a quaint little coffee shop close to campus, complete with dusty bookshelves, beanbags, and potted plants, all adding to the overall coziness of the place.

Josie looked around while taking a sip out of her cup, admiring a painting on the wall across her. So far, the conversation between her and Jade was casual. She learned stuff about Jade that she didn’t know about in their short period of friendship.

“Lizzie met a new guy in California, last I checked,” Josie answered.

“California?”

“Yeah, she’s attending UCLA right now.”

Everything was so friendly between the two. Jade was nice: she cared about Josie’s life, her smiles seemed genuine when she was talking to her, yet Jade didn’t make Josie feel nervous or feel like she had butterflies in her stomach. But it was fine, she was still nice to be around.

“That’s nice.”

Josie took another sip out of her cup and readjusted her position on her seat. They didn’t speak and sat in silence for a moment.

They’d been going at this, the conversations about their home lives and interests, for about 20 minutes. Josie drank the last of her coffee and set her cup back down on the table. Jade took notice of the empty cup and downed the rest of her coffee as well leading to Josie letting out an awkward chuckle.

“So, I’ll see you again soon?” Jade asked, getting up from her seat and grabbing her purse.

“Oh, a second date?” Josie questioned in response. Jade grinned.

“If you want it to be,” she replied with a slight smirk. Josie rose from her chair too and walked out of the shop while waving goodbye to Jade.

+x+

They moved quickly, arranging a second date, then a third, and then a fourth. Josie enjoyed their outings, and it got her going out more often. Overall, the pros were completely outweighing the cons. Or, rather, the single con.

And that was Penelope’s attitude about Josie’s newfound love interest. She didn’t know why this was, why Penelope was acting so strange all of a sudden.

There was a specific encounter that Josie remembered.

“Alright, I’m heading out. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Josie was going to her and Jade’s fourth date.

“Oh, going out with Jade again?” Penelope asked with a hint of scorn in her voice. Josie looked back at the girl.

“Yeah, why are you saying it like that?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

Josie sighed.

“Alright, I’m not dealing with this. See you later.”

And that was that. She walked out of the door with a sour taste in her mouth and feeling… guilty? But that didn’t matter, she was going to go see Jade who she cared very much for. Right? Yeah, she did. She was gonna forget about the stupid feelings she had - no, used to have - for Penelope.

And the date went well. That night turned out to be the night that Josie and Jade would kiss for the first time, next to a lake at night. But something just felt… off about the whole situation. It was of course romantic, but something just wasn’t right. But it was fine because Josie liked Jade. The weird feeling she had about the situation was just her nerves acting up. She was sure of it.

She was sure of it even when she was feeling guilty for whatever reason whenever they had their occasional late-night text conversations. She was sure of it when, 2 months into their dating, Jade asked Josie to be her girlfriend. And she was sure of it when she told Penelope about this one night.

Soon, Josie realized that the sourness that she’d taste when she was affectionate with Jade or when Penelope would say something passive-aggressive about her and Jade was sort of always there. It wasn’t very prominent, but it was there, along with that strange feeling of hers. All it was was annoying.

She called Lizzie about it one night, just to get it out of her system.

“Hey there,” she heard Lizzie’s voice on the other line say.

“Hey,” Josie said, rushed.

“Woah, okay Jo, slow.”

Josie laughed quietly.

“Yeah, hey. You know Jade?”

She heard what sounded like a gasp.

“Oh my god, do you guys break up?”

“What? No,” Josie said, “I just…”

“Take your time.”

“You have experience with dating, right?”

“Uh, duh.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a rhetorical question.”

“I’ve been sort of having, like, I don’t know, weird feelings about her lately.”

There was a slight pause from Lizzie.

“What do you mean by weird?” she asked.

Josie hesitated. She didn’t know how to describe her feelings of unfulfillment.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” she said.

“That’s- wait, so then how am I supposed to help you?”

“I don’t know, I just needed to vent.”

There was silence for a few seconds.

“Alright. Are you doing fine mentally?” Lizzie asked.

“Yeah.”

She stared at Penelope sleeping on the bed next to her, then turned away.

“Okay, that’s good.”

“Yeah. So how have you been with Sebastian?” Josie asked, trying to change the subject.

“Oh my god, it’s all been so amazing…”

+x+

Josie started noticing that Penelope didn’t seem as annoyed about her and Jade as she was before. She was still acting strange; not like she was avoiding her, but still distant. It wasn’t really better than her passive-aggressive digs at her though. It still put her on edge, just in a different way. She didn’t know why she felt like this, and she didn’t know why Penelope was laying off of her.

Everything should’ve been fine, with how her and Jade’s relationship was evolving. So she tried to pretend that everything was fine. It was the easier solution anyway. She went out on dates with Jade, hung out with her friends, and attended her classes like usual. All was well. All Josie had to do to feel normal was act normal.

It didn’t matter that when she was with Penelope, their conversations were dry. It didn’t matter that she still somehow felt unsatisfied. None of that mattered because it didn’t have to matter in Josie’s vision, so she continued on with her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so jasie exists now, deal with that as you will  
> hope you enjoyed :)


	10. Chapter 10

Hey, so this isn't a chapter update but I thought that I'd let you know:

I'm putting the fic on hiatus. I don't know how long it'll last, but I'm just gonna spend this time writing the rest of it in advance and not have to worry about the pressure of updating quickly or anything like that. I'm really, really sorry about this, but the good news is that once I return you'll have consistent daily updates :)

I'm not asking you to stick around for whenever I'll come back. I get it if you don't want to wait, but it would mean the world to me if you did.

Once again, super sorry. Thanks for understanding, and I hope you all have a nice rest of your day!

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the not so great writing, is it easy to tell that I'm not very good at it?  
> ugh also sorry for it being so short, sort of still figuring this out  
> lol oh well, feel free to leave feedback if you want. I'll try to update asap :)


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